This is so difficult. My youngest bio son had a lot of medical issues from 6 weeks until he was about 4. So we spent the first 4 years of his life in and out of hospitals constantly. I can't express the amount of stress that caused, though I know you get it.
I also get the not wanting to be constantly touched, too. I am not a cuddler really, never have been. I don't hold my kids at arms length by any means, but especially my 3 year old, would be perfectly content to never leave my lap and I just can't.
Hugs and love my friend.