I’m so sorry you had such a horrid experience. That definitely makes sense to turn you off from it. I had horrific experiences with it multiple times in the past. I truly didn’t think I would ever want to have anal sex ever again.
Until I had phenomenal anal.
A guy I dated long-term was really into it and wanted me to try again. Not in a pushy way. We went to the sex store and bought a few different types of lube to try. We bought a couple of different anal toys. We even bought an enema kit because I was terrified of being dirty.
I took care of the enema part myself.
We started out with a lot of lube and one finger while he was performing cunnilingus. It felt fantastic. We stuck with that for awhile. After he knew I was 100% comfortable with that, he tried two fingers. We moved on from that to a toy during oral.
We did this for about a month.
Then we moved on to him fucking me on all fours and inserting the toy in my ass.
OH MY GODS. I’m pretty sure I came immediately.
The next time we had sex I told him I was ready to try his cock in my ass. We figured out that I couldn’t handle it in any position other than me on my side because of his size. It just wasn’t comfortable otherwise. Even with playing ahead of time and working up to it, it still takes time. You don’t want to just “go for it” or “just push it in”. There is patience involved at first.
But once he got past the head and it “popped” in, he waited until I settled and was comfortable. Once I told him I was good (and there was a LOT of lube involved) then I was totally good with him fucking me exactly how he wanted to.
And it was fantastic.
We eventually incorporated toys into this, vibe for my clit, a dildo in my pussy when he fucked my ass, etc.
It’s all about being patient with yourself, and having a partner who is patient.
Hope this helped. ❤