Hazlit

Thank you for reading and responding. You mention a number of things, so I want to be sure to address each point thoughtfully.

Perhaps it’s just me, but my feeling is that women get a lot more of the “I want you” than men do. I realize that this comes with its downsides — unpleasant comments, harassment, even rape.

— As I can’t find any studies done to support this one way or another, I’ll have to go with what I know.

Personally, anytime I’ve found a man to be desirable, I’ve told him. If I find anyone attractive, I tell them. Not in a rapey, harrassing, or unpleasant manner, but I compliment them. “Hey, you look lovely today.” “I love the way that color looks on you.” etc.

As a woman, I can tell you I’ve gotten a lot more “I want to fuck you” than I’ve gotten, “You’re beautiful.”

On the other hand, as a man, I don’t get sexually harassed, but every once in a while it would be lovely to be told by someone: “I really want you.” I’m curious about what makes this so hard for women to say.

— Yes, that is nice to hear and I’m sorry if you aren’t hearing it. I don’t know your relationship status so I don’t want to presume.

If you’re in a relationship, this is something your partner should be telling you. Based on the fact you’re mentioning women saying it, I am going to assume you’re heterosexual. Most of the women I am friends with are very vocal with their male partners about how they feel.

I, for one, tell my husband on an almost daily basis how sexy I think he is, how desirable I find him, and how much I want him.

I don’t find it difficult at all.

If guys knew they were desired (and told that to their faces) some of them might not feel that they had to chase women all the time and could ease up on the inappropriate stuff they do because they feel like they’re the only gender that initiates getting intimate.

— This is where I start having a bit of an issue.

First of all, hearing or not hearing something you want to hear (that’s a collective you) doesn’t give anyone the right to behave badly. Period.

The men who as you put it, continue to chase women all the time and do inappropriate things do so because they feel entitled. They want to be in control. It wouldn’t matter if they were being told they’re the be all end all, they’d still behave badly.

I recommend reading other writers here like Yael Wolfe, Ena Dahl, Meaghan Ward and so many others. All of these women are forward thinking and sex positive writers who constantly empower not only women, but MEN as well.

My simple point is this: We dudes want to be desired too. Please tell us. We’ll be thrilled.

— Amen. Everyone wants to be desired. Trust me, I get it. I want everyone to feel amazing in their own bodies, either alone or partnered. I try to provide a place where people can feel that, with my words and actions.

I hope I responded to everything you mentioned without sounding sanctimonious! We all deserve love, lust, and to feel like we’re wanted and needed.

I can tell you this. I WANT you, to keep reading, and find something that moves you. ❤ Take care. xoxo, Demeter

Sex educator working toward a more sex positive world, one word at a time. Contact: demeterdelune@gmail.com YouTube: bit.ly/3n5LpC5

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